There comes a time in every relationship where one or both parties become drastically more comfortable. At first you mind your p’s and q’s, dress much more nicely than is necessarily comfortable when around your partner, and take care to avoid confrontations. But after some time, a certain comfort level sets in. Clothes become slouchier, efforts with hair and make-up are allowed to lax, and that fear of running the other party off dissipates and gives way to a ferocious feeling of entitlement to verbal and opinionated equality.

Here’s an example. My husband is a talker. He talks often, a lot, and not necessarily always about something I care to hear about. I can personally assure you that he sometimes feels that way about me as well. At first I was happy to have the conversationalist as my previous suitor of 4 years was more timid and quiet. I met him on a dating website and he was pretty shy. After some time, however, the consistent talk began to grind more and more on my nerves. Now this unnerved feeling didn’t persist all the time, in fact not even most of the time. But every now and then, while watching a movie or trying to read or surf Facebook he would launch into a conversation and I would find myself thinking “Would you just shut up for a minute?!” Well, one particularly comfy day I actually said it. I don’t really think that my brain realized what my mouth was saying until it had cleared my lips and entered his ear canals and brain. He looked at me first with astonishment, and then, understandably, with anger. I apologized and eventually we were able to move on with the movie/book/Facebook, but I felt horrible about the whole thing. Why would I say something so hurtful to someone I love so much? I call this the Comfort Filter. Really it’s the lack there-of. This is the event where the comfort level of a person takes over to the point that your normal filter just doesn’t kick in. It’s like taking an emotional laxative: you get yourself so relaxed that the verbal flow comes maybe just a little too easily. So what’s the point here? Watch your tongue to your partner, continuously. Sure, we all say things we don’t mean, but I think maybe as you get more comfortable around your significant other you should spend just as much attention to their feelings and the things that come out of your mouth as you did when you first met. No matter how long you’ve been together you still need to be responsible for what you say and how you say it.